Feeling positive again. . .

Just quickly. . .

Life's not all that bad. Each day brings the possibility of opportunity. (Notice I said the "possibility of opportunity" meaning, it is very possible that opportunity may not happen - be prepared for that too.)

Do the best you can today to move toward your dream. If it doesn't happen, there's always tomorrow. . .

This is my new attitude. What do you think?

And the anxiety sets in. . .

I was up at 3 am this morning and I couldn't turn off my brain. I've decided that perhaps I should have named my blog "Why did I go into the Construction business and what to do when it all comes crumbling down".

Actually, I've personally already dealt with a layoff back in 2007 from my position as a Field Manager for a very large home builder. I was unemployed for a year and a half. It was horrible! I eventually found a job which was not in my field and only paid about half of what I was use to making, but it was steady and secure (well, as secure as it can be these days). I've been at this job for a little over a year now. It's not exciting by any stretch of the word, but I'm grateful to have it - and it's health benefits!

Now, my husband (also in the field of construction) is facing his impending layoff. He may have a month; he may have 4 months. We don't know. So. . .here we go again. Unfortunately, we (or shall I say our bills) will not be able to survive the loss of his income; especially since we've already taken such a hit with the loss of my previous job.

I guess in 10 years, like those who survived the Great Depression, I will hopefully be able to talk about the hardships that I too survived during this unwelcome event. It just sucks having to go through it right now!

So now, my anxiety sets in, yet again.

Perhaps, this will all reveal itself as a blessing. . . maybe now I will be forced to take some risks. I really have no choice anymore. The safety nets are quickly being ripped from under me. Would it be too cliche to end with. . .

"Desperate times call for desperate measures"?

Perhaps, I will instead end with this. . .

"Suggestions welcomed". . . (as if anyone is actually reading this. LOL!)

How did I get here?

As I sat at my desk in my cubicle today, I wondered. . ."How did I get here?". So unoriginal, huh? But really, that was my thought. I stared at the grey walls of my cubicle and reflected on the dreams I used to have when I was younger.

An FBI agent, a photographer, a baker owning a pie shop, a set designer working in the theatre, a pilot, a detective, a news anchor or meteorologist. . .these are the careers I envisioned for my future. I saw myself traveling, enjoying fantastic food and wine, living in a city and walking down to the corner market everyday, but also enjoying my cabin in the mountains on the weekends.

Hmm. . .funny how you wake up one day and YOU are not the one living that life. Your friends (well. . .some of them), however, have somehow managed to take on those roles for you. You wonder 'Where did I take a left when everyone else took a right'.

Don't get me wrong, there are people that think I have a fantastic life, and it really is a blessed life I have. But a "fantastic life" can take on different meanings. I'm greatful for all that I have and the wonderful people in my life, however, to really have a "fantastic life", I need to feel fulfilled and inspired. . .I need to know that I am making a difference.

Here's the thing. . .I know there is something bigger for me. Not necessarily monetarily speaking, but more impactful. This is the direction I am seeking. . .

The Non-Risk Taking Dreamer

Not sure why I am creating this blog. Truth is, I'm a 29 year old non-techie. Blogging and blogs, in general, are completely foreign to me. Is it possible that I'm the only one in my generation that is still an idiot when it comes to these things?

So why "The Non-Risk Taking Dreamer"? Well, all my life I've been accused of being a "dreamer" as if that was a bad thing. Perhaps, people saw me as 'flighty' or 'unfocused'. It's very possible. I would probably be the first to agree on the 'unfocused' part. I never saw it as a bad thing, though. In fact, I was kind of proud of that title. I felt it set me apart and, one day, all the reasons would be miraculously revealed.

I guess I always thought that being a dreamer would some how lead me to what it is that is my destiny. Maybe that was just a HOPE. Recently, however, it has occurred to me that being a dreamer is not enough. Those who are successful dreamers, are successful because they are also risk takers.

All of a sudden, I no longer feel good about being a self-proclaimed dreamer. Instead, I feel like a unaccomplished, flighty, and unfocused closeted dreamer. I feel this way because, truth be told, I'm not a risk taker. In fact, I am very aware of the fact that I've avoided risk many times in my life for fear of failure.

WOW! Self realization is sometimes hard to accept. However, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself. So, that brings us back to my initial start . . . why this blog? I guess, my hope is to start this journey of breaking out of my shell in a medium that is just as unfamiliar and perhaps, this is where my reinvention will begin.